You have spent many precious years of your life going to school, getting a degree, working hard to build your successful career, building a business, bought your own home to have a sense of financial security, and even planned your retirement.
Then, one day, you fall in love, and decide to get married, the person you’re marrying is not working, does not have a stable career or any career or business goals, maybe he/she is in debt, you’re not concerned with any of that, you have no care in the world, you’re just in love and going to get married.
From the moment you get married, the state government slips you a hidden contract that is very complicated and it takes an experience, $400 - $600 per hour attorney to review it. However, you never get to see what you just signed up for, it is a hidden complicated contract that you just agreed to as soon as you got married.
The contract said that the day you get married, all of the hard work you did throughout your life to become a good earner is taken away from you, now more likely 50% of everything you earn goes to your spouse, whether you have children or not, whether you contribute not only 100% financially, but contribute mostly to house chores and child care, it doesn’t matter, every penny you earn, at least 50% of it goes to your spouse.
And if the relationship becomes abusive or not tolerable, and you decide to leave the marriage, the hidden marriage contract the state gave you is so complicated, that more likely you will need to hire an expensive divorce attorney, spending $400 - $600 per hour, and by the state laws, you may also have to pay for your spouse’s attorney, totaling $800 - $1,200 per hour. Imagine, the attorneys had to wait three hours in the court until it is your turn, 3 X $1,200 = $3,600, this is just a one court day fee. In a contentious divorce, especially when the couples have children, there may be many many court appearance and counseling hours, you do the math. I had a friend who went through divorce and just the attorney cost was about $150,000 and he was only a small business owner.
The way the state family court system is set up, you may end up spending two, three or even four years in court, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get divorced.
And at the end, if you and your ex-spouse cannot come up with terms of who gets ripped off, a judge who is tired of hearing people fighting in the court is going to decide what will happen to your finances which that order can affect the rest of your life.
You may end up having to pay most of your hard earned income to child support and alimony (spousal support) as long as you’re alive.
If a dealer sells you a car, a home builder sells you a home or a bank gives you a loan without disclosing important terms of the sale, the state government will give that organization a huge fine, but the same state government passes you a hidden contract that from the day you get married, a good portion of your hard earned income is no longer yours and you may be obligated to support your spouse after divorce for the rest of your life.
And worst of all, when people hear your sad story of how you lost everything you worked so hard to earn, they will tell each other, “he married her” or “she married him”.
But wait … , there is more when it comes to finances … - You could be liable for your spouses debt and/or interest on his/her debt. - You could loose part or all of your pension. - You could be paying huge child support payments, but no one checks to see if any of the money you pay for the child support actually goes to help your child. And clearly, it is guaranteed that just a small amount of that huge child support payment goes to help the child, the rest of that payment goes to your ex-spouse’s pocket.
But wait … , there is more …issues other than finances …
After getting married, in large percentage of cases:
Firstly, in my opinion, if you don’t want to have any children, you should not get married under today’s ridiculous marriage laws that are written by a few incompetent politicians and lawyers who did not think through the laws that they were putting together.
We know for a fact that children would be in much better physical and mental health when they are raised in a healthy family environment by both parents.
A healthy family environment is where the parents of the children are each other’s best friends, they care for each other, they are on the same page on how to raise their children together, so they set up a good example for their children.
If the parents are not caring or friendly toward each other, the children notice that and feel the negative environment and possibly mimic the same behavior in their future relationships.
So, going back to what to do if you want to have a family and children:
The main purpose of prenuptial agreement is for two people to write down what they expect from each other so there is no misunderstanding in the future.
So, if you're going to get married, maybe consider writing down your current financial situation and all of your family expectations in writing using a prenuptial agreement. This will require hiring an attorney, but it could cost much more in attorney fees if two people get married without prenuptial agreement and go through divorce without a prenup.
It is good to note that people's value change so there is no guarantee that two people that are getting married will never get divorced. That is why today's divorce rate is about 50%.
Also, do not get desperate and sign a prenuptial agreement that you do not feel good about signing. If two of you cannot come up with an agreement that covers how to contribute to the family and whether you're going to share assets with each other or not, then in my opinion, it is best not to get married to that person because if you cannot agree on things now while you're in a honeymoon phase, you will be fighting over so many things in the near future after the marriage.