There is this big politically incorrect question: Is the constitution of marriage going to be obsolete in the future?

The idea and the possibility of the constitution of marriage going to be obsolete in the future could be a real threat to our human existence; however, this depends on whether we decide to adapt a new way of relationships without having the government gets involved in our lives.

There were times that people got married with peace of mind knowing that their finances are secure, but recent years, there have been too many instances, where people got divorced and they practically went bankrupt for life. I say bankrupt for life because after paying huge legal fees, state family court would order one spouse to transfer a good portion of his/her assets to the other spouse and pay a huge monthly fee to the other spouse and the person who almost went bankrupt could never rebound from such shock.

There are reports of so many men committing suicide during the divorce or after the divorce.

The lawyers and the government got involved in people’s marriages because at one point there were some men who after a long-term marriage would abandoned their wives with children and move on with their lives, so the government stepped in trying to fix the problem, but the government just passed general family laws that only applies to a small cases.

For example, what if one spouse works 100% to support the family, does most of the house chores, does most of the child care and one spouse decided to be lazy and sit around and watch TV all day; and the lazy spouse decides to file for divorce after 10 years of marriage; now the spouse who put most of the effort in the family suppose to pay for both parties attorney fees (part of divorce law is that if one spouse does not have the money, the other spouse must pay for his/her attorney fees), those attorney fees can add up to be hundreds of thousands of dollars, the hard working spouse would be paying ($400 p/hour X 2 = $800 per hour at least which quickly adds up) because divorce process can take anywhere from two-three years depending on whether the lazy spouse feels that he/she wants every penny that he/she is entitled to receive. The lazy spouse does not have to be worried because the hard working spouse will be paying for all the attorney fees and the attorneys would steer up their clients that they may be entitled to a lot of things, so the case could continue for years. I have seen friends going through divorce and their attorney fees ranged from $60,000 to $200,000.

Then at the end, the court orders the hardworking spouse to transfer a good portion of his/her assets and even his/her pension to the lazy spouse and the court orders the hardworking spouse to pay the lazy spouse a good portion of his/her hard earned income to the lazy spouse as long as the lazy spouse is alive and stays single.

But wait, there is more
If the lazy spouse had decided to rack up thousands of dollars in his/her credit cards during the marriage, the poor hardworking spouse is going to be responsible to pay for a portion or all of the lazy spouse’s debts.

The lawmakers who passed today’s marriage laws did not think it through and passed laws that only make sense for a small percentage of cases and since the marriage laws do not apply to the majority of today’s cases, then when a couple go through a divorce, usually one spouse end up profiting from the divorce and one spouse end up loosing his/her life savings.

And when divorce laws is going to be profitable for one spouse, it is much more advantages for one spouse to just file a divorce and walk out of marriage smiling because that spouse receive a lump sum asset from the other spouse plus receives monthly support payment.

When YouTube and other social media was not around, these unfair marriage and divorce laws were the most kept secret thing; but not anymore, the people who lost their life savings through divorce are coming forward and making everyone aware of what can happen to anyone who decide to get married.

I did some research on my own and asked a few strangers about what they think about today’s marriage laws. I was surprised to hear by some people saying that couples who get married should only get married to a person who is in the same income class or there were people who said that couples who get married should never be able to get divorced!

So, I guess those people are saying that when I’m looking for a future spouse, the first question I should ask is what is your yearly salary? Because your salary should be close to my salary if we ever decide to get married! That is non sense!

And what if you marry someone, and his/her core values changed and decide to sit on his/her lazy butt all day, gain a lot of weight and watch TV and YouTube! Or what if one spouse becomes verbally abusive, or controlling or decide that he/she does not want to be intimate anymore? So, you should tolerate such behavior and stay in the miserable or possibly abusive marriage until “death do us part”?

Why did the government had to put its nose in our personal marriage lives and decides what will happen to our finances when we get married or get divorce?

Why did the government had to get involved in our personal marriage lives and create a divorce process that is a hell of a court fight, where one spouse comes out winning financially and the other spouse end up broke for life?

Here, I’m not going to be politically correct, I’m going to point to some real facts:

Men, they usually do not care about how much their future wives make? They are very simple being, they are usually looking for a nice sweet wife. But now, most men are very scared to get married because they heard the horror stories of today’s family courts and how some men walk out of the family courts, becoming broke for life and some men even commit suicide while going through the divorce court.

Most women are much more careful about who they choose to be their husband, especially the women who want to make sure their future husband is capable to support their family. But there is a big change in our today’s society when it comes to finances. Women are now outpacing men in education and jobs, women are becoming more savers and financially savvy, so women are struggling to find men who are making similar income as theirs, those women are electing to stay single because of the marriage laws; they do not want to be put in a position to support a lazy husband for life.

So no wonder that marriages in western world are declining and people are electing to stay single for life.

Marriage being in decline is actually a known fact. These numbers are coming from E-Stats which they have collected their data from US Census Bureau and other sources. The marriage rates were at around 10 per 1000 US population in 1980s, now it is about 5 per 1000 US population. E-Stats list the divorce rates at 2.3 per 1000 population, which is close to 50%, but this stat tend to be useless, because the data collected excludes data for California, Hawaii, Indiana, Minnesota, and New Mexico.

California state most likely has the highest percentage of divorces. Have you been in a family court in California? The lines are very long - looks like DMV lines, so I think the divorce rate should be much more than 50%.

Okay. enough of me complaining, I decided to do something about this. It may not be a perfect solution, but I think it would be better than people running away from starting a family.

What if the people make their own free-will decisions about what will happen to their finances during the marriage and even if there is a divorce; what if the agreement gets into the details of all contributions so there is no argument later in the marriage like “Why I’m the one who has to do 100% of child care, I’m exhausted, please help” and the other spouse said “No I have work to do.”

For example, I’m a man and I have done full time child care and I know how hard it can be. There are men who say child care is easier than construction work, but those men never done full time child care to see the amount of responsibility that is involved to care for a child.

I really believe that both men and women should contribute to child care and house chores, maybe it will not be 50/50, but it is important that both sides help with child care.

Child care and running family chores can be time consuming and exhausting so it is important that each spouse contribute and give the other spouse a break.

This is important to note that there are many men complain that during the family court divorce proceeding, they received less percentage of child custody and I think this is not because the family court was mostly unfair, but because those men were not as involved in their children’s lives. So I’m a big proponents of fathers who are very involved in their children’s lives because if there is a divorce, the fathers can get a fair custody situation.

Some of you would say prenuptial agreements are made to give couples rights over their finances and those people are correct. However today’s prenuptial agreements are written by the same lawyers who are profiting from the family court and divorce system. Those prenuptial agreements are written in a template form, and in such a legalese language that most people do not understand them, so people go out and get their own lawyers, another racket created by the lawyers for the benefits of the lawyers. Then couples are starting to fight before even getting married, now the couples have resentment against each other because their respective lawyer steered up fire under their butts that one is trying to rip off the other.

The lawyer would say to the lazy spouse, you’re entitled by the law to sit around and do nothing and get half of the hard working spouse income, why not keep fighting for such arrangement?

I’m not saying not to hire an attorney to draw your prenuptial; unfortunately, you are going to be better off hiring an attorney because the family laws are too complicated for you to figure out by yourself and you could be in worse shape if you don’t hire an attorney or hire an inexperienced attorney.

But what I have done here is that I have created an online questionnaire that two people can sit down and fill out by themselves with free-will based on what the couple think is fair, without any biased influence from attorneys emphasizing “how the unfair family law can make a lazy spouse rich and he/she should go with unfair family laws.”

I think the arrangement that is created by couples on their free-will without biased opinion is going to be more fair than our existing family laws.

Most of today’s prenuptial agreements are based on templates, the lawyers do not have the time to build a custom prenuptial agreement, if they do, they want thousands of dollars.

More importantly, most of the template based prenuptial agreements today are not going to cover things like who is going to contribute to what. It just focuses on finances, which can become unfair, because what if the wife spends 100% of her time doing childcare, house chores, etc.. and the husband only provided roof over their heads and money for groceries, I think that sounds kind of like slavery.

So, let’s try to make family union in American more fair and sustainable and bring family union back but not under the dictatorship of the state government.

A person who is not willing to sign a prenuptial agreement is the person who more likely going to take advantage of the family court system and take you to the cleaners, you could be in your 50s and walking out of family court broke for life.