I’m the youngest in my family and my brothers and sisters are much older than me. I have a big family, I have two brothers and three sisters and I have so many cousins that I have lost count.

When I was only ten years old, I observed how my family members found their future husbands and wives. It was exciting to see that, I was yearning to become old enough to become part of that fun dating scene. I noticed that there was little disappointment and I think about 75% of times, the first date quickly turned into engagement and marriage.

Okay, some of you may be thinking, it couldn’t be so, why such a high success rate?

In my little small town, everyone valued family and friends very much, people would devote some of their time to help out a family members or friends, the opposite of what is happening in our today’s society when people are so busy trying to keep a roof above their heads that they don’t have any time for anything else in their lives. In the old days, family and friends had extra time and they cared a lot about the relationship success of their family members or friends.

So a family member or a friends would go out and ask if anyone knew a good match for their friend and for the most part, their efforts would pay off and and they would set you up on a date. Somehow, the family and friends had a better intuition about who matches you than yourself.

In today’s dating seen, most single people are using dating apps. It is a photo, look at a photo first, then swipe left or right.

There are too many available men, so women are becoming picky, but at the same time they are frustrated because they feel like they are searching for a needle in a haystack.

There are too many men on those dating apps and for the most part, they are being constantly rejected.

Single people spend hours and hours on the dating apps, and the end result in not so good.

I wish we could go back to the old days, when friends and family had the time to help out and find a good match for their friends.

But should you give up on dating? I don’t think so.

Although, today’s dating landscape has changed, and we are much busier than the good old days, we have access to a lot of resources and possible opportunities to improve our emotional intelligence, this way we can make wiser decisions when it comes to inviting someone into our life.

I’m out of the dating seen because currently, dating is not on top of my core value list (I have listed my core values on this article:

However, if my core value happen to change and I was to get back into dating seen, here is what I would do:

  1. I would re-evaluate my core values and core beliefs and ask myself, “why I’m looking for a relationship”. Some people want a relationship as a starting point to find love, get married, and have children, some want relationship just for casual relationship and bedroom fun (this is true for some men), some people want a relationship to spend joyous time with someone, some people want a relationship so they are not alone, some people want a relationship for the sense of security. I would try to become more self-aware of who I’m and what is it that I want from a relationship.
  2. I would need to be honest to myself and that special someone that I find. For example, if I want a relationship to have children and I keep looking for someone that I’m attracted to: 10 out of 10, maybe I’m not looking to have children, I’m more interested in instant gratifications. And instant gratification is a very destructive behavior specially when it involves in starting a relationship.
  3. I will adjust my expectations in order to find someone who matches the real purpose of me wanting a relationship.
  4. I would make sure the person that I invite in my life has a high level of emotional intelligence for example: Empathy, Honesty, Flexibility, Self Regulation, Kindness, etc..
  5. I would hang out in places where I want to be in order to find someone. For example, I like nature and beautiful parks. If I hang out in those type of places, I may meet someone who has the same interest.
  6. I’ll make friends and join different groups and outings to meet new people.
  7. If I meet someone, I will be very honest about who I’m and what I’m looking for.
  8. If I try a dating app, I would choose an app that focuses on the real purpose of me wanting a relationship. Since I’m not interested in instant gratification, I will not be using those apps that just focuses on superficiality.